Honey Mustard

As a kid, I didn't like cake. On my birthdays, my mom would buy TownHouse crackers and squeeze cheese (yanno, the kind from a can) and write HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINE on them - one letter per cracker - for me to eat.

 

What kind of kid doesn't like cake?

 

The kind of kid who grows up to be a (semi) functioning adult who writes reviews on local honey mustards.

 

5. This is basically the loser. I mean, I'll eat it, but unlike 1-4, I never crave it or decide to go out to eat somewhere solely on smothering French fries in it's honey mustardy goodness. I couldn't make a top 4 list, because, who does that? So here we are at #5. I'll give this one to good ol' Jake N JOES. Is this a little biased and a little self-promoting? Maybe, but you'll get over it. Jake N JOES has a classic honey mustard that even my picky, cake-fearing self, will venture to eat.

 

4. Curveball: The Ninety-Nine Restaurant. I usually won't even taste honey mustard if it's yellow because that's a tell-tale sign that it's more mustard than honey, which is a disaster waiting to happen. However, the 99 blows this assumption out of the water. If you can ignore the fact that your honey mustard is neon, then this may be the honey mustard for you.

 

3. McDonald's. Hello, have you had a honey mustard snackwrap? As a rule, I try not to study anything I eat from McDonald's, so if I had to describe what their honey mustard looks like, I'd be a little shaky. I'm pretty sure it's a pale yellow with unidentified brown specks. Sounds horrendous, but you don't question deliciousness.

 

2. Unless you live in Norwood or any of it's surrounding towns, I doubt 1A Pizza would even be on your honey mustard radar and I fear that I've just exposed a hidden gem. 1A chicken fingers and fries with honey mustard is basically one of my major food groups. I've already said too much.

 

1. Anyone who knows anything about honey mustard would put Town Spa Pizza at the top of this list. Town Spa has a very honey-looking honey mustard that I have yet to experience anywhere else, which is a damn shame because driving 20 minutes for French fries and sauce is embarrassing. Their honey mustard, like McDonald's, also has large brown specks, which used to make me uncomfortable but I've grown to ignore them and just let it happen. I am completely unashamed to admit that I've bought this delicious honey mustard in pints and have also received it as gifts. ..... okay maybe I'm a little ashamed that I just admitted that.

 

- CK

 

But seriously.. what's with the unidentified specks?